been a while since an update. hey, did you know you can hit tab to move from interactive item to interactive item on a webpage? this is entirely irrelevent unless you happen to find yourself in a situation without a mouse. or when you're really tired and dont want to reach for the mouse. anyway,
my dad is still in the hospital, now having done 3 rounds in the operating room and 2 weeks in the ICU. it's... been weighing a lot on me, the obsessive anxious thoughts not letting me focus easily on anything else. since there's no clear timeline on when he's to return home (or often no clear word on how his health is) i don't know if i'm leaving in a week, a day, two weeks, a month...... etc.
so i just have my bags packed, ready to go, and am just kind of sitting waiting for the word.
right now though he's stuck in the hospital recovery area after the latest surgical visit. something about insurance not wanting to send him back to the physical rehab yet. classic american medical situation. since i haven't been able to talk with any medical staff directly, i can only really guess what's going on from second hand knowledge via people who aren't as deeply entrenched in medicine talk as i have been all my life.
i -think- this third surgery was to drain a cyst that was forming near the tear in his intestine that happened following the tumor removal. the tear itself was why he spent 2 weeks in the ICU, basically going septic slowly. the second surgery was to clean him out and close it up. but again, i really don't know for sure. i'm really guessing.
as pop told me when i asked him what the latest word from the doc was, "Ah, i'm like a mushroom. Eatin shit in the dark." - very real rn.
so i've been struggling to stay on top of my own tasks. some nights i've had to break a corner off a benzodiazapine to get some sleep instead of lie there with my anxious thoughts all night. most nights i just try to work my body to exhaustion so i don't even have the luxury of thought. but all bills come due, you always gotta pay the piper.
in spite of all that i finally have a cleaned up hi rez draft of inhuman arc 6. i finished it last night! now i need to go through making a web rez version to hand to editorial peers and see how it hangs together. arc 6 was, as tvtropes called it, a xanatos pile-up. there were like 3 shady conspiracies that all interlocked in this arc and because i was writing it week to week instead of all at once, i often would re-tread data i had already explained by accident OR completely forget to finish up a thought i'd been introducing on the next page. i think this version is much more cohesive.
my own health is still mewehhh ehhhh ehhhhh,,, finally got the word back on the infection on my scalp and it's regular plain old common killed-by-everything-really staph auerus. why do i still have it after like six months? well, because in spite of my denial feelings, thatd be because i'm immune compromised from my own cancer trials. BOO AND HISS. but knowing it's regular old staph aureus means i can just redouble efforts to scrub my scalp more than once a day with soaps and shamps and tea tree oil and benzoil peroxide - all of which slowly shrink inflammation and make an inhospitable environ for this common skin bacteria to behave uncommonly.
the plus side is nobody with a functioning immune system will catch this from me. i think unless i rubbed my head directly on a surgical wound, nothing would happen even to immunecomp people.
got my ass the pneumonia vaccine for whenever i go to help my dad. essentially the vax is for a very specific form of viral pneumonia that (again) affects mostly immunecomp and elderly people. usually it's advised you get it around the holidays (along with an RSV vax) to keep elderly fam safe. but in my case it's to keep my COPD father and stepmom from getting sick. again. pop was already in the hospital for a week with pneumonia last year.
soooo that's where we're at i guess. a very anxious holding pattern for travel. it means i'm not sure if i'll be able to attend FCL, not sure if i can see dermatology (who finally returned my calls after...two months) not sure what the hell i'm doing really. my sister has basically noped out of this entire situation, so besides the step family down in alabama the only ones on deck to help are me and my uncle. i'm sure if she was still alive my aunt would join us, but her loss makes all of us that much more anxious. my uncle being the oldest, my aunt had been the youngest - i really can't imagine the kind of inner upset he must be going through thinking that he might have to say goodbye to BOTH of his younger siblings before him. so we've been trying to touch base regularly. i hate the phone, i REALLY hate the phone, but it seems to help everyone else to hear my voice. so i use the phone.
still reading (or rather, re-reading) catspaw by Joan d. Vinge - and i am still completely obsessed with this character. sometimes i guess something you've waited for your whole life shows up when you need it most, and that's kinda how i feel about this book. i also read its prequel Psion (kinda mid, earlier work with clunkier pacing and character development) and have the sequel Dreamfall on hand for when i'm ready. i hear dreamfall is a downer. EXACTLY the kind of literature i want right now.
most of the snow is melting, and i've gone back to feeding the birds in the yard so i can hear their voices. the trails in the woods still have a few inches of snow over them so i haven't got out there yet. the scooter still needs maintanence so it hasn't been on the road yet either. still very cold at night.
anyway... that's the situation right now. i'm still doing my best to try to draw the art people have asked of me and to keep in contact, but it's really difficult sometimes to even find the energy to talk to another person via text. hell, i haven't even been regularly on ffxiv to take care of digital gardens.
but this banana syrup they added to the dunkin donuts menu is pretty great. just keep pouring this in my coffee and i'll keep denying i'm under any stress with the poker face of kings.
i'll ideally have more info on the hirez arc6 soon. but i really don't know week to week what's coming my way. that's why there's two weeks of packed clothing, toiletries, medicine and entertainment just lying on the bedroom floor in a bag rn.
hang in there. i will be.
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my dad is still in the hospital, now having done 3 rounds in the operating room and 2 weeks in the ICU. it's... been weighing a lot on me, the obsessive anxious thoughts not letting me focus easily on anything else. since there's no clear timeline on when he's to return home (or often no clear word on how his health is) i don't know if i'm leaving in a week, a day, two weeks, a month...... etc.
so i just have my bags packed, ready to go, and am just kind of sitting waiting for the word.
right now though he's stuck in the hospital recovery area after the latest surgical visit. something about insurance not wanting to send him back to the physical rehab yet. classic american medical situation. since i haven't been able to talk with any medical staff directly, i can only really guess what's going on from second hand knowledge via people who aren't as deeply entrenched in medicine talk as i have been all my life.
i -think- this third surgery was to drain a cyst that was forming near the tear in his intestine that happened following the tumor removal. the tear itself was why he spent 2 weeks in the ICU, basically going septic slowly. the second surgery was to clean him out and close it up. but again, i really don't know for sure. i'm really guessing.
as pop told me when i asked him what the latest word from the doc was, "Ah, i'm like a mushroom. Eatin shit in the dark." - very real rn.
so i've been struggling to stay on top of my own tasks. some nights i've had to break a corner off a benzodiazapine to get some sleep instead of lie there with my anxious thoughts all night. most nights i just try to work my body to exhaustion so i don't even have the luxury of thought. but all bills come due, you always gotta pay the piper.
in spite of all that i finally have a cleaned up hi rez draft of inhuman arc 6. i finished it last night! now i need to go through making a web rez version to hand to editorial peers and see how it hangs together. arc 6 was, as tvtropes called it, a xanatos pile-up. there were like 3 shady conspiracies that all interlocked in this arc and because i was writing it week to week instead of all at once, i often would re-tread data i had already explained by accident OR completely forget to finish up a thought i'd been introducing on the next page. i think this version is much more cohesive.
my own health is still mewehhh ehhhh ehhhhh,,, finally got the word back on the infection on my scalp and it's regular plain old common killed-by-everything-really staph auerus. why do i still have it after like six months? well, because in spite of my denial feelings, thatd be because i'm immune compromised from my own cancer trials. BOO AND HISS. but knowing it's regular old staph aureus means i can just redouble efforts to scrub my scalp more than once a day with soaps and shamps and tea tree oil and benzoil peroxide - all of which slowly shrink inflammation and make an inhospitable environ for this common skin bacteria to behave uncommonly.
the plus side is nobody with a functioning immune system will catch this from me. i think unless i rubbed my head directly on a surgical wound, nothing would happen even to immunecomp people.
got my ass the pneumonia vaccine for whenever i go to help my dad. essentially the vax is for a very specific form of viral pneumonia that (again) affects mostly immunecomp and elderly people. usually it's advised you get it around the holidays (along with an RSV vax) to keep elderly fam safe. but in my case it's to keep my COPD father and stepmom from getting sick. again. pop was already in the hospital for a week with pneumonia last year.
soooo that's where we're at i guess. a very anxious holding pattern for travel. it means i'm not sure if i'll be able to attend FCL, not sure if i can see dermatology (who finally returned my calls after...two months) not sure what the hell i'm doing really. my sister has basically noped out of this entire situation, so besides the step family down in alabama the only ones on deck to help are me and my uncle. i'm sure if she was still alive my aunt would join us, but her loss makes all of us that much more anxious. my uncle being the oldest, my aunt had been the youngest - i really can't imagine the kind of inner upset he must be going through thinking that he might have to say goodbye to BOTH of his younger siblings before him. so we've been trying to touch base regularly. i hate the phone, i REALLY hate the phone, but it seems to help everyone else to hear my voice. so i use the phone.
still reading (or rather, re-reading) catspaw by Joan d. Vinge - and i am still completely obsessed with this character. sometimes i guess something you've waited for your whole life shows up when you need it most, and that's kinda how i feel about this book. i also read its prequel Psion (kinda mid, earlier work with clunkier pacing and character development) and have the sequel Dreamfall on hand for when i'm ready. i hear dreamfall is a downer. EXACTLY the kind of literature i want right now.
most of the snow is melting, and i've gone back to feeding the birds in the yard so i can hear their voices. the trails in the woods still have a few inches of snow over them so i haven't got out there yet. the scooter still needs maintanence so it hasn't been on the road yet either. still very cold at night.
anyway... that's the situation right now. i'm still doing my best to try to draw the art people have asked of me and to keep in contact, but it's really difficult sometimes to even find the energy to talk to another person via text. hell, i haven't even been regularly on ffxiv to take care of digital gardens.
but this banana syrup they added to the dunkin donuts menu is pretty great. just keep pouring this in my coffee and i'll keep denying i'm under any stress with the poker face of kings.
i'll ideally have more info on the hirez arc6 soon. but i really don't know week to week what's coming my way. that's why there's two weeks of packed clothing, toiletries, medicine and entertainment just lying on the bedroom floor in a bag rn.
hang in there. i will be.
